He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
