mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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