Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit