I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
