I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
