Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator

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(812): View more from Indiana

i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities

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(862): View more from New Jersey

just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work

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(614): View more from Ohio

Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(940): View more from Texas

I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend

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