His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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