so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
