omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I want her autograph on my taint
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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