i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
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There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
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Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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