Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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