Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize