I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My life is pants optional.
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