You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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