I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
