Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize