I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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