maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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