The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
