Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
