Pappa wants mamma naked
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize