Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
