Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
