dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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