Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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