I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm jealous of your bromance
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
