What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
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You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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