just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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