my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
