I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
