she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
