Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
