Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
