I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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