i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
