I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
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I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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