Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
