God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
