The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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