shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
