Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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