If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
