I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You can't special order awesome
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
