I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
