so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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