Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
