I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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