Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize