my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
