at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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