Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
