I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
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dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
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I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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