my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
