her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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