Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
