I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
