Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize