Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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