Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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