last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
