It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
