Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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