I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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