i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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