there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
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He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
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I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.