I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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