i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
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Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
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I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?