ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.