I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dicks are not precious.
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