"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
