By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
