your parents love me but you hate me
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
