My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
