I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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