i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
