Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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