$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
