So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
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There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
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she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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