I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
